This picture is dedicated to every beautifully brave woman who is dealing with the aftermath & pain of living with a man who has a sexual addiction.
When I look at this picture, many thoughts come to mind. I want to share a few of them as it pertains to dealing with my own healing journey. The first thing that comes to mind when I look at this woman is that she is a bride. Secondly, she is alone. Her groom is no where to be seen. The next thing I see is her elegance, her softness, & her beauty & yet in her hand is a sword. She is geared for a fight...she has something to defend.
Living with a sexually addicted husband (whether it's exclusively to porn or whether he has went ouside the marriage or relationship & acted out sexually in a physical sense) it can feel like we're alone...often feeling single...yet married. We still have our elegance, beauty, & softness...every bit the woman we were when we were being pursued by the love of our lives prior to marriage...and yet it can feel as if we're fighting to keep our worth & value or to somehow get it back once sexual addiction has barged into our lives. We're often fighting against lonliness due to our husbands emotional, sexual, & physical withdrawl from the relationship. We're often fighting for, or rather longing for, deep intimacy & so we wait. We fight for truth or to know the truth of what's going on in the private world of our husbands. We fight for purity in our relationships. We fight to recapture our dignity & to retain our hope. We fight for love. We fight for marriage. We fight for family. We fight for our husbands. We fight for freedom's sake. We fight to feel like the desired brides we once were. We fight to re-ignite the passion for life we once had. We fight for peace & joy. We fight for restoration. We fight for stability & security. We fight condemnation, negativity, insecurity, insignificance, hoplessness, lonliness, rejection, despair, & we fight fear. We fight to be seen & to no longer feel invisable. We fight to feel needed & wanted in our marriages. We fight for honor & validity & to be treasured & chosen. Some of you have fought & fought hard for your dream of a restored marriage or relationship & have eventually came to the place where you realized the dream wasn't possible...even in our broken-ness & grief & with our losses...we fight on. We fight for healing. We fight for future. We fight for so much more!
For any woman walking this road, I want to remind you that
YOU ARE BEAUTIFULLY BRAVE
Don't loose yourself on this journey. Instead, discover who you are along the way. You are stronger than you think & you are incredibly beautiful!!!
Thank you for this reminder :) beautifully written.... and I love the picture :)
ReplyDeleteBig huge hugs!
It's so unbelievably ugly and I still can't believe what he's done and I still can't believe this is my life.
ReplyDeleteEat My Scabs, I totally agree with you sexual addiction IS ugly & it IS shocking & horrifying & utterly painful, not to menition devistating! How long ago did you find out about his SA?
ReplyDeleteWe are all stronger than we think. How many times have we looked at someone and thought, "I could never do that. She is so strong"? And then we have to remember that she probably thought she could never do it either--until she had to. We are so strong.
DeleteIt's been a little over a year ago. Sometimes it feel like someone elses life or like i'm watching events unfold on a movie screen. How abt u?
DeleteThat is one thing I am finding about myself that I am allot stronger than I ever thought I was. Well when I'm not curled in a ball at the bottom of my closet crying my eyes out. But I am starting to pull myself up.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post thank you for making me feel beautiful.
Eat My Scabs...I tried to leave a reply to your question but it was too long. So here's the short version. I'm thinking I may tell my story in a post a little later on that will explain more. I knew my husband struggled with porn BEFORE we were married. I was only 19 years old & didn't have a clue in the world to how powerfully addictive porn was. I didn't even know a person could be addicted to it. Little did I know how destructive it could be on a man or in a marriage. I've been married now for almost 21 years. It's been a rough road. My husband is walking the road to recovery finally after 33 years of addiction BUT we're still in the early stages of healing.
ReplyDeleteAlso...at the time I learned of my husband's struggle with pornography, I was under the impression that he had been exposed to it accidently as a child while playing out on some DOT equipment that was parked outside his house and he was hooked from that moment on. However, when I asked him about porn, he said at that time he was not struggling with it. He may not have been since it has come in cycles over the years. I will post more at another time.
DeleteGreenolives: So very sorry for the pain you're walking through. Even when you're curled up in your closet, crying your eyes out, remember: You ARE beautiful. Even through the tears and the pain, your beauty remains.
ReplyDeleteThankyou so much for this post! I needed it tonight!
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