The Sumo...that's what I've come to call the nasty self-condemning thoughts I wrestle with as a result of my husband's sexual addiction AND the wounds left from my childhood sexual abuse. Some days I have him on the mat and other times, he's got me smashed to the mat and I'm down for the count! I guess this is one of those days. Facing my own triggers when I'm out and about with my husband, is VERY hard. I know in my head that SA is not about me, my size, my looks, or even about sex really...BUT tell THAT to my heart! I need a healthy dose of reality...to give myself a reality check...to remember all the men who've cheated on or have even left slender, beautiful, young, physically fit, talented, smart, healthy, faithful, famous, rich, and even publicly idolized wives due to their sexual addictions (whether visual adultery or physical adultery)...I'm thinking of women like Sandra Bullock, Elizabeth Hurley, Christie Brinkley, Tiger Wood's wife, Shania Twain; as well as the handful of beautiful women I personally know whose husbands left them with wrecked lives due to their sexual addictions and destructive choices. That reality check in mind, I wish my heart would just listen! If I could only push this fat sumo off me for good and leave this wrestling match once and for all with my head held high!
"...Deliver me from my persecutors, for they are stronger than I....
for the enemy has persecuted my soul; he has crushed
my life to the ground....cause me to hear Your lovingkindness
....deliver me, O Lord, for in You I take shelter....
in Your mercy cut off my enemies and destroy all who afflict my soul"
Psalm 142:6b & Psalm 143:3a & 8a, 9 & 12
In my support group this past week, one of the facilitators mentioned praying whenever the "chatter" started in her head. When your mind starts going crazy with all those thoughts that you know shouldn't be there. She said she stops where she in, drops to her knees, and asks Heavenly Father to quiet her mind. I never think to do this in the moment. But during the few times I have remembered to ask for comfort, it comes immediately. Next time the sumo match starts in your head, immediately find a quiet place and ask Him to remove the thoughts from your mind. To let you be calm. I'm positive it will help.
ReplyDeleteMac,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate you passing that on to me because sometimes the anxiety, fear, and lies can be so loud and noisy. Thank you for reminding me that Heavenly Father's help is IMMEDIATE. He desires to give me peace, comfort, and even joy.